Braylon Edwards

My personal feelings on this

Hope ya like :D

Fantastic Advice

So, for a while there I've been doing construction. Well, mostly bitch labor...

Tearing down walls, cutting stuff, moving lumber.. etc... bitch work.. but it was fun.

Anyway, I worked alongside this 57 year old man, and somehow we got on the topic of communicating, and asking people for stuff you need. He gave me this advice, which in turn I've applied to the "day-to-day".

"Never in my life has anything turned out better for me, by having kept my mouth shut and not asking".

Now granted, I know there are times in life where you should DEFINITELY KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

But in most circumstances, whether it's a nervous phone call or if I'm feeling shy asking someone a favor, this advice holds true.

Thanks Steve.

I'm coming home, you may need to re-know me...

So,

I'm coming home... to Cleveland that is.

To be quite honest, I'm nervous...

For I'm pretty sure that my arrival will be regarded with mixed feelings, depending on who's asked, of course.

There are people back home that I have burned. Some of the scenarios I can't do anything about, for those flames will rage onward for eternity. But others, I feel, can be estinguished... I hope.

Part of the reason I moved to Seattle was to gain direction. To give myself substance beyond the charm I've been known to exhibit. To not necessarily be SOMEONE in this world, but to be SOMEONE to someone... if that makes any sense. To right my wrongs, to pay my past due karma... for it seems I've had a negative balance in the karma department for some time. To own up to my faults not merely as verbal admission, but as proactive restitution.


I have consistent work, my own business model and reliable relationships here. These cornerstones are the foundation of who I am today, someone, you all may not know...

For example, I play the guitar now... a pretty superficial aspect of one's self you might say, but to me, it's a means of expression to the loved ones I've wronged (the unloved as well). It's a pervasive, consistent, and expressive apology with every resonating chord and every tear I succumb to throughout it's duration.

I'm also more mindful of how the things I say and do affect others. I'm not suggesting simple forethought either. I contemplate my actions now with the knowledge of a wide spectrum of possible outcomes, potentially wider than what most can perceive. And I'm very much in tune with my state of mind. I firmly believe that the state of my mind is a reflection of the state of my life and thus, the only way to clear my past trespasses, is to clear them from my mind. And as you might guess, I have some work to do, in order to do that. Quite cyclical isn't it?

Since it's nearly time for me to re-enter into my past life, and confront it head on, I wonder... What's waiting for me? And inversely, does my past know what I'm bringing to it?

I'm curious as to who will call me when I'm home.
I'm curious who still thinks about me, and in what context.
I'm curious if there are those who would rather forget I existed.
I'm just fucking curious... It's certainly a vice and a virtue.


I wish I had an answer to all my thoughts... Since I don't, I will approach all facets of my time home with complete humility... In hoping that there's a direct relationship with emptying one's skeletons from their closet, and lessening the burden on the one's soul.

And with that, I submit to the jury of my peers..

Flaky People

Ya know,

To this day I'm astonished at how finicky and flaky people are. I mean, it's staggering at how little it takes for people to change plans, ideas, or even friendships!

Rigid, silly, women... yes women

disappointment, and how to respond..

Hi.. welcome to my blog.  If you've been here before, I must have pissed you off in life or, you think about me sometimes (positively).

If you haven't been here before, than I pity you.  Not because you haven't been here, but because you're here now! lol.. just kidding.

Regardless of why you're here, you'll find that today is a day that I have to practice what I preach.  I always tell people that attitude is everything, and how one responds to a situation will determine the severity of it.

Or in another sense, the state of your mind is nothing more than a reflection of the state of your life.

So, today I went to make a big purchase.  Ya know, one of those big life purchases.  I had all my information at the ready, a deposit, and motivation.  

Well that wasn't enough.  I mean.. it was ENOUGH, but not enough for what I wanted. 

EVEN THOUGH, what I had SHOULD have been enough, it wasn't.  And upon leaving I felt used, and slightly insulted =/.

On top of that, I guess for a minute I had this far fetched plan to end singlehood.  Well, now even that is causing some trepidation, so I have to go back to my roots.  My "roots" meaning, me being COMPLETELY, self reliant.  Not just partially, or having 1/8 of my life being reliant on others... oooh no.. 100 percent now.

sucks though.. it's a lonely world to traverse alone :(

Humility- the modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

When the world wants you to have it, there's nothing you can do...

http://franklysports.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/mike-medders-rip-son-brotherfriend-shoremen/

http://iraq.pigstye.net/article.php/MIchaelMedders

Thank you Mike Medders

"Man is born broken. He lives by mending."

222 days.

That's how long I've been in Seattle. Well actually...

222 days 4 hours 39 minutes and 26, 27, 28 seconds..

I'm not a freak, I only know this because I have a timer on my myspace page :D

www.myspace.com/isoisolated





Soooo, it's been a couple months since I've posted.. well what's happened?

A little bit of everything it seems.

I've tried to make amends to some of those I've transgressed over the past few years. I've probably done a subpar job, but at least I'm trying, and am very well aware that it's a work in progress.

Work is going well, almost too well. Mark's tinting company has taken off, KD is breaking new barriers everyday, GetStorganized keeps paying me in "perks" (laptop, phone, etc.), and my own ventures are beginning to see the light of day (Cleveland Tinting, IsoLate DeSign, Seattle Skyscrapers). So on those fronts, things are proceeding, albeit slow ;).

On a personal front, I'm still single. Which is bittersweet, for the most part. I think it's nice to experience the holidays, birthdays and get togethers while single for one last time. I have a feeling that something is going to "pop" in the relationship department over the course of the next few months. Time, will tell, it always does :D.

I've taken on sprinting as a new hobby. How long will it entertain me? Who knows! I like being able to see results every couple days (faster times in the 400m), but I wonder when will it get old?

I don't think anyone likes an "update" post, so the next time I have drama, I'll vent here for the world to dissect ;).

Oh Buddy is good. He's had some ear problems that I've tried to rectify to no avail. He's been on meds and mineral oil, but still seems unhappy at times. He's a good dog and seems to have opened up to me and the household. He goes crazy in the mornings zooming around the house, and for those of you who know him, know that he gets a crazy shit eating grin on his face when he does it ;).

That's all for today.. buh bye!

Upward Spirals!

Soooooooo... Life is going EXTREMELY well. Finally all this work is paying off.. literally :D. Here are some things that are going on!

www.myspace.com/lacunacoil

I've been given the honor to run this band's myspace page. It doesn't hurt that they are one of my favorite bands. I know tour updates, releases, whatever all before it's made public. I'll get to chat and meet the band at some point and see some shows. I answer all friend requests and messages on myspace, and yes, there's tons Not a bad gig, especially considering that the page has over 5 million profile views :D. Nice resume builder.

www.kdmarketing.net

We finished the survey for CL@S Information Services, and have numerous leads on the board. Very excited about where the company is going. GOOD STUFF

www.seattlewindowtinting.com

I'm going to be formerly employed by Markie (he owns this company). So I'll get paychecks! yaaa!


These FINE people bought me the laptop I'm on now, and I have plenty of work to do for their web business. Looks like they are DBA'ing the brand and having a web business in which I'll be in charge of :D

www.seattlegourmetcoffee.com

We are distributing their coffee now. Helllooo commissions!

Side Projects:

Distribution of Fishing Lures
Realty Online Advertising
Janitorial Service Marketing
Flash webpages

So.. lame post, I know, but life is going great!

Cut Ties and Drawn Lines

Is this thing on?

Tap, tap tap...

Oh, there it goes, ok cool.

It's been awhile since my last rambling on here, and I'm at a loss for words on where I should begin. I mean, so much positive energy is swirling around me, that I'm finding it difficult to stay on task. Becoming a partial business owner, learning trade skills, designing websites, creating portfolios, meeting new people, and offers to foreign lands encompass my day to day life here. I'm very thankful to all those who have seen potential in me, and who continually refer me to others. Really, thank you so much, I couldn't be more humble.

With all this positivity going on in my life, there are those who would love nothing more than to revel in me failing.

I have a few words for such people...

I care not for your assumptions, lies, and hypocrisy.

Your words are only that, and even less than that, are our friendships.

Over the past few years I've done my best to facilitate and encourage our relationships only to be met with indifference and preoccupation. So I did what was best for me and left to pursue grander ventures. In the timeframe of 4 months I've found myself to be the target of people's slander, jokes, and two-headedness by those who considered themselves proud sponsors.

But fear not, I absolved you folks a long time ago of the roles you played in my life.

You draw lines
I cut ties

Thanks and have a nice day =)

Ha, I applied at Bungie

Hey everybody,

I've been freakin' busy sooo.... I haven't posted recently. Growing a company is hard, yet rewarding!

This's a very random post with little on philosophical revelation. I applied at Bungie Studios today.

They are the fine developers of the Halo series on Microsoft's Xbox and Xbox 360.

They've also made sweet games like Oni and Myth.

On their page they make reference to hiring a bunch of people for a bunch of positions, even though some of the positions listed are already taken. I went with the approach of "applying for a position that's not taken AND not listed". Yeah, a play on words, but we'll see. People have excelled doing stupider things.

So, I'll keep everyone updated whether they respond or not =).

I miss everyone back home! Ciao!!

We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars....

Hola!!!!

This is my new blog post!! And I must say, it's far less dreary than my last one ;). I do feel a lot better putting that negativity behind me. I really appreiated Baron's post on the subject. I'm sure if I had done, what he does then I would've felt just as good as I do now, without tarnishing a girl's rep! Oh well, I'll save that till when I'm more mature :)) This past week was pretty fantastic, here are some of the things that have happened and/or will happen!


I will be traveling to New Orleans in April, and back home to Cleveland in May. Upon coming home I'll be there for 5 days!! It will most likely be late May, so circle the whole damn month! Let me know if you'll be in town when I visit!

Yesterday I decided to remove my most greatest desire in all of food.. pizza. I will no longer eat pizza, for I feel it's nullifying my workout regime a bit. Along those same lines I'm going to post a new picture of my chest. I'll attach a poll to see if anyone can notice an improvement, or "deprovement"? (not a fucking word)

I've been doing work with photoshop cs2, including brochures, fliers, webpages, pamphlets, and business cards. If anyone needs any of the following, look me up. I'll do ya for cheap :p.

Alot of the photoshop work I've done has been for Lees Auto Body and Custom and they have a few cars going to the Seattle Roadster Show
Not all the cars are old school, many of them are modern with a ridiculous amount of airbrushing and "bling". When I post my brochures, you'll see what I mean. I've also heard that a copious amount of drinking will take place during that show.. I am excited!

One last tidbit, this post is going to mark the start of me photoshopping one of my friend's pictures onto something pretty hilarious! You'll see what I mean :)
The first one is to the right, and you can click here
for a bigger version of the photo! I love you Jeff! hahaha

Personal Shoutouts!

Vinny - I'll never question your judgment of character again.
Jeff - The check is in the mail!
Andrew - I see good things with this trade.
Shannon- Don't go in a fucking hostel!
Baron - Where's my invite? :(
Erin - Crying party! yaa!!!
Evelien - Muah!!
Kris + Mark - This week is huge for us!
Jeannie - Super solid advice as always.. grrr :p
Reese - Fun times dude! Don't go! :(

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

So,

Over the past few months, I've passively tried to improve my skills as an effective communicator, a thinker before a speaker, and act with integrity in touchy social situations. This blog has acted as a buffer to absorb some of the negativity I'd typically throw upon certain people in my life.

Good blog, woof ;)

Another minor rule I set for myself here was to not to post someone's name and concurrently speak negatively about them. I just thought that was tacky and would go against the moral set I've tried to instill in myself lately. Well, as many people here say in Seattle, "All that has gone to fuck-all". To translate, this one and only time I'm going to vent, use a name, and never speak of and to this person ever again.

Heather Tucker, you are a user. You are an egregious cunt who doesn't even deserve the disdain I have for you. You're a filthy cheater, a pathological liar, and a self centered dirty ass whore.

To think that I wasted over a year of my life on your shady ass is a disservice to the sanctity of which is commonly viewed as a "relationship". You familiar with those? Relationships? Not the one nighters you so frivolously indulged in while under the guise of "being taken". But a union between 2 people bound by trust. Be that as it may, I despise you and your cruddy existence. And no longer shall my thoughts encompass you. May karma come back to you, as it has come back to me.

For those who are reading this, and know little about me, I must say that the filth in the above 2 paragraphs aren't an accurate symbol of who I am. I'm not overly vindictive, insane, and malevolent. I'm very easy going, always smiling, happy, non-chalant etc... I don't get overly angry, ever. I mean, I never get so thoroughly angry as to type out what I just did. Perhaps subsequent comments to this blog will substantiate my perceived demeanor.

So Jeannie, I've tried to roll with the "integrity" platform. But the person above deserves the previously mentioned sentiments, so.. discuss away!

Valentine's Day..

First off, pay no mind to the font. It's this way in lieu of the holiday, not because of my gayness. Well, for the first time since 2002, I'm single on a Valentine's Day. For the most part it's bittersweet. It's nice to not feel obligated to buy gifts, get time off work, or conform to the holiday's traditions. On the other hand, it sucks being alone and not having someone wake up beside me wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. Everything listed I had anticipated. But what I did not anticipate was the feeling I would have when I would reminisce about holidays past. Nor the feeling I would have when I would think about others Valentine's Day. I kinda get the feeling that says, "oh, they're doing that...". A mixture of helplessness, distraught, and sadness.
I guess the day couldn't end sooner.

iNtRoSpEcTiVe

I'm not sure what is a dream and what is real at times. Or if real is a real word and if words even exist outside of our imagination... I still can't say for certain if falling asleep is opening your eyes in the morning or closing them at night... and I'm lonely, but not sadly. Everybody is alone. I want love like love wants love..oxygen and drifting clouds. And im not scared to be alive, nor do I fear death. These days more people are. Money is an illusion. The world has been gaining some sort of "momentum" over "time" and every single day it's spinning faster. People grow up too quick. Someday I'll start to....

1 week, complete

Just finished my 7th day in Seattle, and I have mixed emotions. For starters, I love the people I'm staying with, they're pretty fantastic. I'm basically staying here for free in exchange for my work into their companies. Jeff has said it best, "So you're basically pinball boy huh?". I really am. I do a myriad of tasks from website design, photoshop, auto glass installation, commercial window tinting and marketing. I've been made privy to a potential salary coming my way soon, which is very exciting!

Last night we had a phenomenal evening. We spent 4 hours boozing at this luxurious hotel in Kirkland while listening to Darren Isaacs play the piano (personal friend of my boss's). His music facilitated the ambiance of the evening. After that we went to a few clubs/bars where I finally met good looking Seattle women!!

I got a phone number from this pretty blond who practices at this local ballroom dancing studio. Dance Sport International is the name of the studio. We exchanged some texts last night and have been invited to come on by. I suppose I'll wait to see if I was sales pitched, or if she was looking to be social. I feel that it was the latter, but I've been burned before :).

Anyway, we hit a few more bars, screamed to Def Leppard, got some Jack in the Box and went home. Upon arriving at home, some former co-employees (and friends) got in a serious accident last night. They're a couple and engaged to be married. I guess while driving soberly, they got hit and my lady friend got seriously hurt, and potentially blind. She's such a beautiful woman, my thoughts to both of them.

Additional Tidbits

-Andrew, I have more photoshopped pictures coming your way =)
-Jeff, send me those pictures from the last night here
-Baron, I sent you my address via myspace, send the invite! And some details about accomodations and what's required of me!
-Jeannie, Thanks for mailing some things out and cleaning the apartment, as always, much appreciated.
-Erin, MUUUAAAHHH!!!!! Numba One Stunna!!
-Krissy and Mark, You guys are awesome, and we're going to make millions!
-Vinny, Some shit's coming your way soon!
-Shannon, you're a peacock!


and that's all!!!

#*$&&@ Gay

So. the part of my laptop in which my power cord goes into has broken@*##!$$# it fucking sucks because I have a lot of work to do. Oh well, I'll get over it. I'm making a brochure for this custom auto place. They airbrush vehicles, do custom bodies, build stereo systems etc. Sooooo I have to use a different laptop that doesn't belong to me :(.

Anyway, that's stupid shit to complain about. Getting the vehicle is looking more realistic each day, I have work as an insurance adjuster coming up, and the weekend is coming soooon!!! So I can say life is going well, I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad even while here I'm maintaining friendships at home while nurturing new ones as well! I love and miss you everyone!

Seattle for 24 hours now!!

Yep, have been gone for 24 hours. Hasn't sank in yet, this blog will know when it has :). Thanks for a great night everyone. I had a few people in mind that I was supposed to see before I left, yet it turned into a giant high school reunion at the Ironwood! Special thanks to Jeff, Andrew, Vinny, Erin, Z, Shannon and her boy for meeting up with me. Probably the most important friends in my life on a mulitude of levels, great to see ya before I went. Please send me pictures from the evening! And Jeff, get your camera from my sister!!!!

Speaking of my sister, thanks for keeping cool after I fell asleep for 2 hours and subsequently missed my flight :). I wonder if things would have gone so smoothly with my dog had I been on the flight I was originally scheduled for? Food for thought.

Been here for nearly 24 hours. Wii bowling, double Patron margaritas, travel, and sleep have been my experience here thus far. Tomorrow is work though and I'm excited!

Got to see the car I'll be buying a white BMW 325i with white leather. I'm totally impressed, can't wait to put her to use. Leave some love!!

=/

WHOOOAA.. Totally moved away from everything I know on January 26th! Missed my original flight so I had to standby!! (Thanks ERIN!). Regardless I got here, with my DOG! Everyone loved him on the plane. Stewardesses, flight attendents, pilots, janitors. Hell, he laid in the middle of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport getting his belly rubbed!! What a good boy. Ok, enough about my dog, kinda creepy.. I live in Richmond Beach, WA and I welcome everybody to come visit this fantastic city. I will foot some of the bill just to enjoy all my friends company out here. I work at a myriad of places including a commercial window tinting company and a marketing firm. I am in the process of inheriting of BMW 325i with white leather. So.. life is good!

Eternally grateful..

just had a fun night of movies, booze, talks, and someone awesome to hang with.. thanks for making me forget Ms. Erin!

What a fucking waste

This guy had a profound effect on who I am today and was undoubtedly my best friend for some very influential years of my life. We've barely spoken in recent years and only mildly started getting back in contact via myspace. I'm still aghast that he was shot. I'm sickened, upset, and furious by this. I've just learned that this was self imposed, and not someone else's doing... Geez Jeremy, why so soon?


http://www.mydeathspace.com/article/2007/12/28/Jeremy_Keger_(26)_died_suddenly_from_a_gunshot_to_the_head

And you give yourself away...

It's amazing the profound effect music has on the human psyche. Most songs, to me, are easily forgettable and thus disinteresting. But there are a few that just claw themselves deep inside of me and say, "HEY! I know how you're feeling. and this is the musical iteration of your emotions." For example, U2's "With or Without You" blows me away every time. I never get sick of it. I can understand someone not liking the song or the band. But you can't say the song's not progressive, deep, and engulfing. It just makes me want to bawl, I'm such a girl.

*You don't have to be a member to leave a comment*

Out..

saw a fantastic movie in Cloverfield this evening. WONDERFUL, only see it in the theater. The sound is that extraordinary!! Went out to eat, had a fun night. Still plenty on my mind, a lot of hurt. A lot of restraint, a lot of hope. We'll see..

Internal Resolution by External Ingenuity

I've come to the realization (with some help), that if the girl I was moving away from had aspirations to be with me in the future, she'd be far kinder than she's being. Instead of pushing me away, she'd have the mindset I do. To work things out, plan, etc. I guess I love her more than she loves me. As the old saying goes, "You can't make someone your priority when you're only their option".

Sooo, with that adage, I'll take a different route

ODDS and ENDS

This day has been odd and it marks an end. Even though the phrase doesn't mean that. Odd in the sense because I've concocted a way to get my dog on an airplane for free. An also an end, for the girlfriend doesn't want to see me (yet she wants to be there when I get to the airport, go figure.)

Soo, after a cancellation at my temp. job, I'm going through my items debating on what I'd need and what I don't need for my life changing move. I'll pack light, yet practical.. we'll seeee

PS: Heather, regardless of what happens, you'll be getting mail this May. The B. Effect

A World of Change

Wow, so much has happened in the past week that it's tough to explain in a chronological order. For starters, me and Heather are no longer dating. Many reasons for this, including trust issues. distance, and independence. I do feel though that either A. She met someone B. She did something negative to our relationship and couldn't continue dating me with what she's done or C. She wants to explore single life and mess around with people. All these parallel the typical experiences a girl has in college, I just thought she was beyond that. Regardless, after 2 days of not talking and a mild argument, we're done. It's sad.. Mostly because I saw lots of potential for us. I feel as if she might view me as "the one she let get away", or maybe not.

She said all these things like,
"I don't want to live in Toledo"
"I wish we would've traveled last summer together"
"I would love to be closer to my sister" (who will be in San Fran, 35 dollar train ride away)

etc.

Well, with me moving to Seattle (explained further down), I wanted to give her these things and I want her to come with me. Maybe in May I'll write her a letter, with a train ticket saying the opportunities here. Maybe I won't. I do appreciate you sticking with me through thick and thin Heather, it's just upsetting that your words don't have substance and our bond wasn't strong enough to endure.
But her priorities are in Podunk, Ohio, and I'll let her have that.

(Insert bad transition statement here), I'm moving to Seattle at the beginning of February. It's really sad actually. For starters I've finally felt a sense of belonging with my family and now I'm pushing it aside. Or maybe that's the entire point of being close to your family, for them to help improve yourself and change the world. Regardless they have. Jeannie for the 1,338,289,995 things you've done for me. The money you've paid, the solace you've brought. Thank you, I love you. Krissie, with your recent emergence, the driver's test, the sweet lunch that afternoon =), and the girls.. thanks for being there for my lowest of lows. Steve, the football camaraderie, the numerous times I've been stuck in a corner of Ohio and you've gotten me, the dishes, the computer. Thanks for letting down your machismo and being cool. ;). I'm still going to whoop your ass in Risk, and even if I'm not in town.. I plan on fully participating in the league next season. How else are you going to win anything?

So, back to Seattle.. after the smoke cleared with Heather I called Mark and Kris with my intentions on working with them. The response they gave me was truly overwhelming. They were nothing less than excited, jubilant, and forthcoming in making sure that I'd be taken care of. I really want to do well for them, nothing less will be acceptable. The date seems to be early February, which will be perfect. It gives me time to seek out my long lost half brother, speak with mom, and tie up some loose ends here.

I don't want anyone to view this as an end with me, I want it viewed as a beginning. I intend on obtaining webcams for each sibling and speaking with them online while away. Jeannie, ya gotta upgrade that dial up, it'd be the same price ;).

All in all my mood is bittersweet (as Jeff puts it). At times I just want to cry at the sudden changes (and I have), other times I'm nervous and ready to embrace the unknown. I just want everyone to know that I love them dearly, and will never, EVER be forgotten

Johnny