I'm coming home, you may need to re-know me...

So,

I'm coming home... to Cleveland that is.

To be quite honest, I'm nervous...

For I'm pretty sure that my arrival will be regarded with mixed feelings, depending on who's asked, of course.

There are people back home that I have burned. Some of the scenarios I can't do anything about, for those flames will rage onward for eternity. But others, I feel, can be estinguished... I hope.

Part of the reason I moved to Seattle was to gain direction. To give myself substance beyond the charm I've been known to exhibit. To not necessarily be SOMEONE in this world, but to be SOMEONE to someone... if that makes any sense. To right my wrongs, to pay my past due karma... for it seems I've had a negative balance in the karma department for some time. To own up to my faults not merely as verbal admission, but as proactive restitution.


I have consistent work, my own business model and reliable relationships here. These cornerstones are the foundation of who I am today, someone, you all may not know...

For example, I play the guitar now... a pretty superficial aspect of one's self you might say, but to me, it's a means of expression to the loved ones I've wronged (the unloved as well). It's a pervasive, consistent, and expressive apology with every resonating chord and every tear I succumb to throughout it's duration.

I'm also more mindful of how the things I say and do affect others. I'm not suggesting simple forethought either. I contemplate my actions now with the knowledge of a wide spectrum of possible outcomes, potentially wider than what most can perceive. And I'm very much in tune with my state of mind. I firmly believe that the state of my mind is a reflection of the state of my life and thus, the only way to clear my past trespasses, is to clear them from my mind. And as you might guess, I have some work to do, in order to do that. Quite cyclical isn't it?

Since it's nearly time for me to re-enter into my past life, and confront it head on, I wonder... What's waiting for me? And inversely, does my past know what I'm bringing to it?

I'm curious as to who will call me when I'm home.
I'm curious who still thinks about me, and in what context.
I'm curious if there are those who would rather forget I existed.
I'm just fucking curious... It's certainly a vice and a virtue.


I wish I had an answer to all my thoughts... Since I don't, I will approach all facets of my time home with complete humility... In hoping that there's a direct relationship with emptying one's skeletons from their closet, and lessening the burden on the one's soul.

And with that, I submit to the jury of my peers..

Flaky People

Ya know,

To this day I'm astonished at how finicky and flaky people are. I mean, it's staggering at how little it takes for people to change plans, ideas, or even friendships!

Rigid, silly, women... yes women

disappointment, and how to respond..

Hi.. welcome to my blog.  If you've been here before, I must have pissed you off in life or, you think about me sometimes (positively).

If you haven't been here before, than I pity you.  Not because you haven't been here, but because you're here now! lol.. just kidding.

Regardless of why you're here, you'll find that today is a day that I have to practice what I preach.  I always tell people that attitude is everything, and how one responds to a situation will determine the severity of it.

Or in another sense, the state of your mind is nothing more than a reflection of the state of your life.

So, today I went to make a big purchase.  Ya know, one of those big life purchases.  I had all my information at the ready, a deposit, and motivation.  

Well that wasn't enough.  I mean.. it was ENOUGH, but not enough for what I wanted. 

EVEN THOUGH, what I had SHOULD have been enough, it wasn't.  And upon leaving I felt used, and slightly insulted =/.

On top of that, I guess for a minute I had this far fetched plan to end singlehood.  Well, now even that is causing some trepidation, so I have to go back to my roots.  My "roots" meaning, me being COMPLETELY, self reliant.  Not just partially, or having 1/8 of my life being reliant on others... oooh no.. 100 percent now.

sucks though.. it's a lonely world to traverse alone :(

Humility- the modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

When the world wants you to have it, there's nothing you can do...

http://franklysports.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/mike-medders-rip-son-brotherfriend-shoremen/

http://iraq.pigstye.net/article.php/MIchaelMedders

Thank you Mike Medders

"Man is born broken. He lives by mending."

222 days.

That's how long I've been in Seattle. Well actually...

222 days 4 hours 39 minutes and 26, 27, 28 seconds..

I'm not a freak, I only know this because I have a timer on my myspace page :D

www.myspace.com/isoisolated





Soooo, it's been a couple months since I've posted.. well what's happened?

A little bit of everything it seems.

I've tried to make amends to some of those I've transgressed over the past few years. I've probably done a subpar job, but at least I'm trying, and am very well aware that it's a work in progress.

Work is going well, almost too well. Mark's tinting company has taken off, KD is breaking new barriers everyday, GetStorganized keeps paying me in "perks" (laptop, phone, etc.), and my own ventures are beginning to see the light of day (Cleveland Tinting, IsoLate DeSign, Seattle Skyscrapers). So on those fronts, things are proceeding, albeit slow ;).

On a personal front, I'm still single. Which is bittersweet, for the most part. I think it's nice to experience the holidays, birthdays and get togethers while single for one last time. I have a feeling that something is going to "pop" in the relationship department over the course of the next few months. Time, will tell, it always does :D.

I've taken on sprinting as a new hobby. How long will it entertain me? Who knows! I like being able to see results every couple days (faster times in the 400m), but I wonder when will it get old?

I don't think anyone likes an "update" post, so the next time I have drama, I'll vent here for the world to dissect ;).

Oh Buddy is good. He's had some ear problems that I've tried to rectify to no avail. He's been on meds and mineral oil, but still seems unhappy at times. He's a good dog and seems to have opened up to me and the household. He goes crazy in the mornings zooming around the house, and for those of you who know him, know that he gets a crazy shit eating grin on his face when he does it ;).

That's all for today.. buh bye!

Upward Spirals!

Soooooooo... Life is going EXTREMELY well. Finally all this work is paying off.. literally :D. Here are some things that are going on!

www.myspace.com/lacunacoil

I've been given the honor to run this band's myspace page. It doesn't hurt that they are one of my favorite bands. I know tour updates, releases, whatever all before it's made public. I'll get to chat and meet the band at some point and see some shows. I answer all friend requests and messages on myspace, and yes, there's tons Not a bad gig, especially considering that the page has over 5 million profile views :D. Nice resume builder.

www.kdmarketing.net

We finished the survey for CL@S Information Services, and have numerous leads on the board. Very excited about where the company is going. GOOD STUFF

www.seattlewindowtinting.com

I'm going to be formerly employed by Markie (he owns this company). So I'll get paychecks! yaaa!


These FINE people bought me the laptop I'm on now, and I have plenty of work to do for their web business. Looks like they are DBA'ing the brand and having a web business in which I'll be in charge of :D

www.seattlegourmetcoffee.com

We are distributing their coffee now. Helllooo commissions!

Side Projects:

Distribution of Fishing Lures
Realty Online Advertising
Janitorial Service Marketing
Flash webpages

So.. lame post, I know, but life is going great!

Cut Ties and Drawn Lines

Is this thing on?

Tap, tap tap...

Oh, there it goes, ok cool.

It's been awhile since my last rambling on here, and I'm at a loss for words on where I should begin. I mean, so much positive energy is swirling around me, that I'm finding it difficult to stay on task. Becoming a partial business owner, learning trade skills, designing websites, creating portfolios, meeting new people, and offers to foreign lands encompass my day to day life here. I'm very thankful to all those who have seen potential in me, and who continually refer me to others. Really, thank you so much, I couldn't be more humble.

With all this positivity going on in my life, there are those who would love nothing more than to revel in me failing.

I have a few words for such people...

I care not for your assumptions, lies, and hypocrisy.

Your words are only that, and even less than that, are our friendships.

Over the past few years I've done my best to facilitate and encourage our relationships only to be met with indifference and preoccupation. So I did what was best for me and left to pursue grander ventures. In the timeframe of 4 months I've found myself to be the target of people's slander, jokes, and two-headedness by those who considered themselves proud sponsors.

But fear not, I absolved you folks a long time ago of the roles you played in my life.

You draw lines
I cut ties

Thanks and have a nice day =)