Fantastic Advice

So, for a while there I've been doing construction. Well, mostly bitch labor...

Tearing down walls, cutting stuff, moving lumber.. etc... bitch work.. but it was fun.

Anyway, I worked alongside this 57 year old man, and somehow we got on the topic of communicating, and asking people for stuff you need. He gave me this advice, which in turn I've applied to the "day-to-day".

"Never in my life has anything turned out better for me, by having kept my mouth shut and not asking".

Now granted, I know there are times in life where you should DEFINITELY KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

But in most circumstances, whether it's a nervous phone call or if I'm feeling shy asking someone a favor, this advice holds true.

Thanks Steve.

I'm coming home, you may need to re-know me...

So,

I'm coming home... to Cleveland that is.

To be quite honest, I'm nervous...

For I'm pretty sure that my arrival will be regarded with mixed feelings, depending on who's asked, of course.

There are people back home that I have burned. Some of the scenarios I can't do anything about, for those flames will rage onward for eternity. But others, I feel, can be estinguished... I hope.

Part of the reason I moved to Seattle was to gain direction. To give myself substance beyond the charm I've been known to exhibit. To not necessarily be SOMEONE in this world, but to be SOMEONE to someone... if that makes any sense. To right my wrongs, to pay my past due karma... for it seems I've had a negative balance in the karma department for some time. To own up to my faults not merely as verbal admission, but as proactive restitution.


I have consistent work, my own business model and reliable relationships here. These cornerstones are the foundation of who I am today, someone, you all may not know...

For example, I play the guitar now... a pretty superficial aspect of one's self you might say, but to me, it's a means of expression to the loved ones I've wronged (the unloved as well). It's a pervasive, consistent, and expressive apology with every resonating chord and every tear I succumb to throughout it's duration.

I'm also more mindful of how the things I say and do affect others. I'm not suggesting simple forethought either. I contemplate my actions now with the knowledge of a wide spectrum of possible outcomes, potentially wider than what most can perceive. And I'm very much in tune with my state of mind. I firmly believe that the state of my mind is a reflection of the state of my life and thus, the only way to clear my past trespasses, is to clear them from my mind. And as you might guess, I have some work to do, in order to do that. Quite cyclical isn't it?

Since it's nearly time for me to re-enter into my past life, and confront it head on, I wonder... What's waiting for me? And inversely, does my past know what I'm bringing to it?

I'm curious as to who will call me when I'm home.
I'm curious who still thinks about me, and in what context.
I'm curious if there are those who would rather forget I existed.
I'm just fucking curious... It's certainly a vice and a virtue.


I wish I had an answer to all my thoughts... Since I don't, I will approach all facets of my time home with complete humility... In hoping that there's a direct relationship with emptying one's skeletons from their closet, and lessening the burden on the one's soul.

And with that, I submit to the jury of my peers..

Flaky People

Ya know,

To this day I'm astonished at how finicky and flaky people are. I mean, it's staggering at how little it takes for people to change plans, ideas, or even friendships!

Rigid, silly, women... yes women